I’m annoyed with myself right now. I have every right to be, too. Eight years ago, I began this journey called Life Coaching. At the time, my classmates and I were advised to niche ourselves. “Look around you,” they said, “Your identity is already there.”
And it was, right there on the back of my car. When I divorced my second husband, I bought a custom license plate to celebrate.
RX4JOY it proudly proclaimed! I told people that divorcing him was my Prescription for Joy. I had to explain because people thought it was about drugs. Ironic, given that my ex had struggled with addiction.
As I sought to figure out who I was as a coach, I fought the obvious. I grew up in a hellishly abusive home. I knew trauma inside and out. I was intimately familiar with addiction and codependence. And healing, I knew scads about healing. I had already worked through two decades of counseling and personal growth. I wanted no part of it in my coaching practice.
That stuff was hard, and messy, and gritty. I wanted something JOYful. So, I ignored my Guydes and set off on a different path. Several, to be exact. It seemed like every year, or few months, brought a new direction and focus. When we’re avoiding destiny, that’s often how it looks… “ANYWHERE BUT THERE!!!”
To paint a picture of me avoiding destiny, imagine a woman in the scrub of Florida (or any other jungle.) There is a wide, smooth path off to one side. She is studiously avoiding it as she stubbornly hacks a trail through the underbrush, disturbing snakes, spiders, and all manner of wildlife as she goes. Her trail goes left and right, around trees and through pitfalls. It’s grueling, time-consuming work. Meanwhile, the wide path waits.
Yep, that’s pretty much me for the last eight years. Actually, longer than that if you go back to when my Guydes first told me to change careers so they could open the way to this path. I said “Not right now,” and got an 18 month furlough before the fun began.
I can be so stubborn sometimes. Ok, most of the time. Whatever. Let’s not split hairs.
Back to that first week of training. As soon as Rx4JOY popped into my head, I knew it was about addiction, codependence, and finding a better way. I also knew that the methods I was learning absolutely provided that better way. I just didn’t want to deal with it.
So, Rx4JOY became about focusing on joy, and the positive, and good stuff. It wasn’t that any of that was bad. It just wasn’t my calling. As the co-founder of Coach for Life says, “There are hundreds and thousands of worthwhile callings in this world, but they are not all mine.” Grrrrrrr. Yes, re-mind-‘ers like that really rankle when I don’t want to hear them.
I had a designer build my first website, Rx4JOY.com, from the ground up. It was a be-you-ti-full site! I loved the logo, the colors, the feel, everything! A year or two later, Internet Explorer went through a major overhaul one night; I woke up to a broken website and a designer who didn’t want to be a designer anymore.
After agonizing for weeks, I finally admitted defeat and pulled the plug on the site. Rather than ever being put through that again, I built a new website on a WordPress platform, and did the work myself. Foolproof! WordPress was reliable! I was in control! Nothing could go wrong!
Are you laughing? I think I hear you laughing.
You should be. The words “Control” and “Nothing can go wrong!” are a gilded invitation to the Universe to come make mischief. Besides, I wouldn’t have that need for “Control” if I were actually going with the flow and following my intuition. But, again, I say… Whatever!
A few months ago, a new friend pointed out that there were a couple of broken links on my main website. Nothing pointing to Rx4JOY was working. Oh. No.
I investigated, then pulled the sand back over my head. No. I don’t want to deal with this. I’m going to be an ostrich now, thank you.
Meanwhile, the messages continued to get louder, and stronger, and more insistent. I even did a few minutes of hypnosis with a coaching client to relieve her of an addiction she had secretly struggled with for years. She was shocked that it worked so well! I wasn’t. I was glad it worked so well for her, but I wasn’t happy about the messages my Guydes were displaying.
Finally, I just couldn’t ignore it any longer. I had to admit Rx4JOY had crashed again, and something had to be done.
I pulled my phone-a-friend card and asked for help from someone in the web field. After careful assessment, this was the reply, “I will purge this atrocity from the system.” Ah, wonderful words of comfort. Well, no. But honest, it was really honest. That’s good, right?
Somehow, all of my best laid plans had come to naught. Of mice and men, and websites.
Rx4JOY got the grand flush tonight. Over the next weeks, it will be rebuilt, not in a way I am comfortable with, but in the way it is meant to be, to shine, to serve. I will grit my teeth and put myself out there. It feels naked and vulnerable. I’m afraid I’ll be attacked for my beliefs about the causes and healing of addiction and codependence. It’s been done before, by people who love me and are steadfast in their beliefs that their way is the only right way.
I would love your support as I do this. Tell me what you’re loving about the progress over there. Make sure I know about the typos so I can correct them. When it doesn’t make sense, ask questions. And, invite those who might find it useful to peruse the site. I’d really appreciate that. One thing I am adamant about: the pain I have been through must be put to good use.
In the meantime, back here at JoannaDavis.com, we’ll keep exploring this intuitive path, because… there’s a lot of it to explore! What lessons have you learned from defying your intuition? What joys have you savored because you said, “Yes!” to your inner truth? What are you saying, “Yes,” to today, however hesitantly?