After this week’s post on Finding my Inner Edgewalker, I had a session with a coaching client, and realized there is a lot more that needs to be said. Not just about the different kinds of Edgewalkers (Innate vs Situational, Accepting vs Rebelling, Aware vs Unaware, etc.), what Edgewalkers are (I’ll get to it, or check out Judi Neal and the Edgewalkers org,) there also is a lot to be said about what it’s like to be an Edgewalker.
Today’s story is of the Weary Edgewalker. It was actually at the point of Weariness that I found my Inner Edgewalker. If you read the article, you know I had the sensation that I was at the end of a limb. Not the end of my rope, mind you, that’s a very different place. I will try to paint a word-picture for you.
I am a very sensory and visual person, so I often get vivid images and sensations when I’m getting a deep concept. I invite you to take a trip on your imagination with me.
The sensation was that I was standing on the very tip of a branch. I could see a few small leaves poking out around my feet, but I was so far out on the end that I couldn’t actually see the tip. It doesn’t get much closer to the end than that. My logical mind knew that there was not enough strength in that tip to support me. I could sense the swaying of the branch. My adrenaline was pumping because I knew that I could fall at any moment. I’ve lived most of my life in that precarious of a position.
There were two awarenesses in the moment. One was that the view was incredible. I could see everything, and it was beyond gorgeous! A thrilling experience, to say the least. The other, polar opposite awareness was that I was terrified! The tip end of that branch was tiny and had no visible means of support! Sure, the view was fantastic, but I was moments away from falling to my death.
As I asked the question, “Why am I always at the end of the limb?” my Guydes gently replied, “because it’s always growing.” Wait a second! If it’s always growing, it must be attached to something! Eureka!
I turned to look, and sure enough, there was a branch, and it was growing out of an enormous tree. Very much like a redwood, but with pretty, oblate leaves. I had been out at the end of the limb for so long, focused on the dangers and beauty, I had actually forgotten it was attached to anything.
I’m not quite sure how, but I made it back to the middle of the branch in a flash. From there, it was an easy stroll to the trunk. As I wrapped my arms around that massive column (they didn’t even go halfway around) I felt all the things I needed to feel: safe, secure, stable, grounded, at peace, connected, at one. I took a deep breath of all of those essences and leaned even more deeply into the comfort of the tree. The branch beneath my feet was wide, strong, and substantial. I could feel the tension melting out of me. It was as though the tree was absorbing it and giving me calm nurturance in return.
There was a flash in my awareness that the symbiosis is far beyond mere oxygen and carbon dioxide with our arboreal friends.
With all of the stress drained out of me, I realized there was nothing for me to do, here at the bole of the tree. I couldn’t see the far reaching future, or anything nearby. Without those, I could not serve my purpose of facilitating awareness and connecting others. If I stayed at the trunk, I would quickly become bored. My purpose was not there, but my refuge was.
I also became aware of another, even more important fact. There had been much more supporting me than my eyes could see.
I have never been dropped. In all the years I have lived at the end of the limb, I have never died from it. The danger that I perceived was all a result of what I had been taught to believe. Yes, the tip of that branch, could not have supported me on its own.
Not everything that matters can be seen. We cannot see air, or love, or karma, or fate, or the Divine. We cannot see most of what matters in life, yet what matters is all around us.
I both was lovingly supported at the end of that branch and afraid for my life. And, that is okay. It’s okay to be scared, and tired, overwhelmed, and angry. It’s okay to lose hope, and faith, and trust, and a little bit of our minds. It’s okay.
It was me who forgot the tree was there. I was the one who imagined I had lost my connection. That does not mean that the tree forgot me, or that the connection had ever failed. It had not. Not even once. And the support that is beyond the tree had not failed either.
I have ranted and raved, wept and begged, all for the end of a situation that existed only in my worried mind. And, that is okay, too. Without all of this, I would never have understood the fullness of the Edgewalker experience.
I also would not have had the compassion for the Weary Edgewalker (like my client today) who simply needs to take a break and go back to home base for a while.
In childhood games of tag, we are shamed into believing that going back to home base is a bad thing. Yet, who is it doing the shaming? The child who is “IT” and doesn’t want to be anymore. The same child who needs to take a break.
There is no shame in going back to home base. Home exists for your comfort, renewal, and support. It is the appropriate place for rest and rejuvenation. The base is there for your nourishment. Rest a while. The end of the branch will still be there, growing, achieving ever better views. Rest a while. Relax. Restore your mind, heart, emotions, and soul. You have earned it, Edgewalker. You have my respect, and the love of All That is Divine. You have earned it.