Hold the Knowing

I had a moment with a dear friend today. She has been hard-hit for the past many months. Multiple surgeries with complications post op, mother passed away, then she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
It’s been a little rough.
I’m part of the clean-up crew.
I understand that most people rush in at the beginning, then fade away in a few weeks or a month. That’s when I start visiting.
So we sat tonight, talking over many things. Her hurts & sorrows. Allowing the wounds to open so the gunk can run out. Offering her what little tools I felt inspired to.
Before I left, I invited her to call me when she’s feeling out of sorts. I explained that it was my sister I used to call when I knew my mind was working against me. “Talk me out of this tree,” I would say to my sister.
My friend said, “It wouldn’t be a tree; it would be a hole I’ve fallen into that I need you to get me out of.”
Our friendship is so old and dear. Her words ached in my heart.
I told her the story of the farmer whose mule fell into the well. The farmer threw dirt into the well. With each shovel full of dirt, the mule stepped up until he climbed all the way out of the well.
I told her that I wouldn’t get down in the hole with her; I would throw dirt down the hole until she could climb out.
She doesn’t need to be rescued. She needs someone to hold the knowingness of her strength until she can see it again.
I am so grateful that I learned this lesson in time to support her.


  1. What a beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this with the world. It is so true that we cannot help anyone by getting into the hole with them. Difficult as it is for us sometimes not to want to jump in and try to save others, we do them a disservice thinking that they need us that way.

    You have given your friend a great gift in respecting her strength and allowing her to save herself. Best wishes to you both!

  2. Your story moved me to tears and gave me personal insight I didn’t realize I lacked. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and compassion. I am grateful today for your generous nature and that my daughter, Jolinda shared your story.

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