Nicer to Me

“I can rest when I’m dead!” My mother’s words still ring in my head, a martyr’s call to arms from earliest childhood. Long after she stopped working and started spending every day in her recliner, she was still the most tired and unhappy woman I’ve ever known. No matter how much I think I know about the conditioning and beliefs that were neither healthy nor true, I still find them cropping up in my life. More accurately, I am deeply amazed when they are suddenly resolved. Just as a fish …

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Awareness and Shift in Action

Life isn’t about what happens to us, it’s about how we respond to the happenings. The A/C company just came and took the wall unit that cools the main area (living room, dining room, kitchen) of the house I’m currently living in. They had promised a replacement “rental” unit for the time it would take to repair this unit. Turns out, there are none available. They don’t have anything that will fit into that space. They also said they won’t know what they need to repair it until they get …

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Cascade of Shift

Life suddenly got a lot simpler since we got back from vacation. New experiences have a magical way of delivering new perspectives, even when I think new perspectives aren’t needed. Spending 11 days with a hormonal 17-year-old gave me new eyes for my own drama. Several times during our vacation, he went to sleep hating me and woke up loving me, or vice versa. The last morning of the trip, he woke up hating me (it had started the night before) and continued hating me until we got on the …

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Shifting Gears and Perspectives

It seems like I have been ignoring or in battle with my body all of my life. Anorexia became my way of life when I was fifteen years old. It didn’t begin with trying to lose weight; it was a control issue. My mother and stepfather wouldn’t let me have any money except lunch money, so I stopped eating to gain control, both emotionally and financially. Quite by accident, I found out that if I didn’t eat breakfast, I wouldn’t be as hungry at lunchtime. Within six months, I was …

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Energy Shifting

As a young girl, I had many dreams and premonitions. It wasn’t that my family discouraged it, but most did not encourage it. When I was 15 years old, I woke up screaming one night. I had had one of ‘those’ dreams, the really vivid, I’m-in-it, brightly colored, full-surround-sound kind of dream. I dreamed that one of my friends from school was drunk and driving a car with three other classmates in it. They were laughing, partying, the music was loud. They were on a tree-lined, back country road. As …

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My Mom Thinks I am Perfect

While visiting my son in Chicago, I attended a group where he volunteers as a facilitator. At some point during his talk, he made the comment, “My Mom thinks I’m perfect.” He was making a point about mothers and how they don’t think anyone is good enough for their children. I refrained from correcting him at the time, but it got me to thinking. I do not believe that my son is perfect. Stellar, yes. Perfect, no.

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Before lessons grow into swans

I had a total meltdown two days ago. It was precipitated by a situation that came up two weeks ago, so it had been brewing for a while. My Rx4JOY website crashed during a hosting upgrade to a Linux platform. I immediately contacted my designer, only to find out that she had moved on to other things and was no longer available. It just made sense to migrate to a platform that I could manage on my own. There was just one little thing standing in my way. FEAR! I …

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