I was having a conversation with a friend of mine this evening. She was expressing her sympathy over an unresolved situation in my life. As I assured her that it was actually fine, I realized the full possibility that this situation existed solely so I could have this realization.
50, as the cliche says, is FABULOUS!!!
There is no biological clock in my life. The fact that it was surgically silenced five years ago is irrelevant. I have no emotional yearning to have children in my life. Apparently, 50 is that age for me. Without the need to create “family,” the pressure to be in that kind of “relationship” melts away. Without pressure, things are so much easier.
Sure, I have The Sweetheart and we enjoy the physical aspects of being in a relationship, but the whole thing of needing “family” has drifted away like the last wisps of smoke after a fire. It was a huge, blazing fire for most of my life, on the scale of wildfire disasters. I wanted a family! When I was five or six years old, I declared I would have a dozen children. I became a teenager and found out they were expensive, so I downgraded that number to six. Even giving birth to a 9 pound, 6 ounce baby didn’t dissuade me. I was all ooey-gooey with baby-love the day after he was born and sweetly told my husband that I wanted another.
He reminded me that I had threatened to kill him less than 24-hours before if he EVER did that to me again. I had already forgotten. Baby-love is like that.
Oh, the baby-needing! It was still with me in my 40’s. It finally dissipated shortly before the hysterectomy, but the family-needing thing was still there.
50 changed that. I have my son. I even have a wonderful step-son from my second marriage. The Sweetheart has kids. And, I have… me. There’s something about 50 that cut those ties.
I’m 50 and I don’t need children, or a relationship, or anything except me.
Don’t tell the cat. I think I still need the cat.
I haven’t turned the other corner yet, either. You’ve know the corner I’m talking about, the one where people suddenly see their own mortality. The end of the road becomes very real and they realize they haven’t lived all they’ve wanted to.
I haven’t gotten there, yet, either.
I’m in a vast space of possibility. I’m very healthy, reasonably athletic (completed a rim-to-rim hike of the Grand Canyon less than a month ago), have all of my faculties (ok, that may be an overstatement, but whatever), and…
I have nowhere I have to be and my whole life to get there.
How about that?
50 really IS fabulous. I’m savoring this. This is a sacred time.
I don’t have anywhere I have to be. My life is truly my own. There is no office to report to (self-employed, oh, yum!) There are no goals other than the ones I set for myself, and I can change those whenever I want. The needy and demanding have been weeded from my life. The loving and appreciative have found their way to me.
This is MY life. I’m young enough to enjoy and appreciate it, and old enough to REALLY enjoy and appreciate it! Maybe you’re old enough to know what I mean.
I’m done with the mindless striving for goals and beliefs that others put off on me. I now live my truth, my purpose, my dreams, my visions, and I take full responsibility for myself.
I have the awareness that this is a life worth savoring. This is an age and a time to celebrate. This is an experience to celebrate! Something tells me it’s going to keep getting better for a long while. There is more to learn and experience on this earth walk, and even more to learn and experience after that.
I’m glad you’re walking it with me. What are you savoring today? What are you creating? What are you celebrating? Please share in the comments below so I can celebrate and savor with you! I’ll mix my creative energies in with yours and we’ll see what magic appears!
And, remember: it’s really not about the age. It’s about the choices, the awarenesses, and the love.