When Momentum Scares Me

A friend asked me this question yesterday:

“Have you ever been absolutely certain of an action to take (feeling inspired to take it, etc) and once the initial step is taken have a sudden feeling of nervousness?”

My response was, “Did you see my last Facebook post?” We had a good laugh because we were both facing the same thing. It took me until today to know that it’s not just the two of us; there are many who are questioning themselves. If you’re one of them, I hope you’ll find some comfort and direction here.

I’ll share a little background with you. My life flipped upside down 15 days ago. I made the decision to leave my partner of 3 ½ years. The decision has been a long time coming. I knew soon after we met that he was my mirror, and much of the healing, learning, and growth that I needed to do could be done in this relationship. Unfortunately, we were not growing together and our life has been chaotic for over a year.

I’m not big on chaos as a way of life. He called me that Monday to let me know I was going to be angry when I got home the following Friday. At the time, I couldn’t help wondering why it couldn’t have waited until Friday. We discussed why he thought I would be mad, and he was right. He had violated some very clear boundaries, told me he didn’t believe in asking permission because it was easier to ask forgiveness, and so on. My head was spinning when I hung up the phone. I spent the next day processing.

I woke Wednesday morning to the certainty that I was done with the relationship. There as nothing left here for me to learn. Staying would only be creating new problems, not providing new opportunities.

Wednesday evening, I looked into the eyes of my Twin Flame.

Oh, boy. If you don’t know what a Twin Flame is, this is a link to the article on my Mystic’s Mile site.

It took me another 10 days to realize that was the reason the news couldn’t wait until Friday. I would not have been open to the connection with the soul in front of me without the events occurring exactly as they had.

Speaking of events, I wasn’t even supposed to be at the event where we met. I was scheduled to attend in November. A chain of events occurred that led to my presence on that day. Amazing story for another time!

Meanwhile, back at the original point of this…

This series of events led to me the ABSOLUTE KNOWING of an entire plan of action to take. The plan involves leaving a shared living space, finding a new space to live, purging accumulated belongings, purchasing airline tickets, planning a cross-country move later this year, etc., and all of this happened within the first week.

Didn’t I just say I’m not big on chaos as a way of life? If that laundry list of to-do’s doesn’t sound like chaos, I have no idea what does. Every single item on that list was led & facilitated by Spirit. It all happened so quickly and easily that I didn’t have time to think about it.

And then I had time to think.

“What the hell am I doing???” was the thought. I had suddenly become terrified by all of the positive momentum in my life. What happened next is what makes this good.

I used my phone-a-friend card. Yep, every so often that is just what it takes. Had a wonderful conversation with said friend who supported me in allowing the feelings to be, just be, without all the judgment I had placed on them. (Irony: this is part of what I do for my coaching clients!) Then she further stated that if I was NOT at least a little rattled by the sudden, multiple twists my life has taken, she would be seriously worried about me. Well, now, that put a different spin on things.

More precisely, it took the spin out of things.

Yes, life is moving forward at an incredible pace for me. AND, it’s okay to panic. It’s okay to call “time out!” It’s okay to take a breath.

So, I did. And in the next breath I remembered to connect to Source. I went to that wonderful Guidance System and checked in on all that my logical mind had decided was madness. In an extended time of peace, I examined all aspects of what was happening. I found that the only dissonance was within me. Specifically, my mind was making up stories, and then believing they were true. As I released each of the stories, I moved deeper into that space of peace. Deeper into the knowing. Deeper into the understanding that following Spirit is not a logical course, there is no left-brained map, but the way is clearly marked. I just need to get back to looking for the signs.

Yes, second-guessing is normal, and… if I sit quietly with myself, I can determine whether the nervousness is a sign that I stepped incorrectly or that my mind is balking at the change.

Here’s a great quote:

When you move toward a dream, it moves toward you.
When you move every day, it moves every day.
Someone pass me a calculator,
The Universe (TUT)

Examine. Find the knowing. Then, start moving toward that dream again. Every day. Every day. Yes. Yes I am.

3 Comments

  1. You are doing amazingly well. Leaving a man who violates clear boundaries because he thinks it is better to ask forgiveness than permission is an act of healthy self-esteem and self-respect.
    And it let someone special come in.
    You put a smile on my face that I suspect reflects the smile in your heart at the new positive changes ahead.
    Namaste.

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